So today has been a little unsettling. Without going into the details, I received a phone call from one of my doctors, and she provided some information that has caused me some concern. Nothing official has been determined as of yet, and she cautioned me “not to worry” at this point; I’ll get some additional tests done next week, and hopefully more information will be available to me at that time.
I’m not going to lie – when I got off the telephone, I cried. Even though it’s entirely possible that things will turn out just fine, I have to admit that my mind frequently goes to the worst case scenario with remarkable speed. It had already been a long day for other reasons, and I was just feeling wiped out.
I was also supposed to be heading to a Bible study at church this evening. Immediately, the first thought that came into my mind was, “I’m not going to go.” I was prepared to fully justify my decision to stay home, citing the recent developments from my doctor, lack of sleep in general, etc.
However, a thought occurred to me: what good would I accomplish by staying home? In reality, what would’ve happened is that I would’ve worried and fretted about the situation over which I have absolutely no control. I realized eventually that the stay-home-and-worry approach was no way spend an evening; so, after releasing the matter to God (after all, I just wrote a post about letting stuff go only yesterday!), I decided to press on and go to the Bible study. I’m really glad that I did, too.
Now that I’m back at home, I still have the same questions that I had before I went to church. I still don’t have any answers, and may not get the clarity that I’m seeking for some time. While I have no choice but to wait, I do have some control over whether or not to worry. So I’ve decided not to worry, and we’ll see what happens.
As I was reflecting on the events of the day, the following passage from Psalms 139 came to mind:
Even though I do not know the outcome of my medical situation, I can still offer thanks to God because He created me in His image, and I am “fearfully and wonderfully made.” The verse goes on to say that God’s works are wonderful – and since I am one of His works, then I know that He’s going to sort all of this out in due time.
And that’s where I have to leave it. I can’t say that I’m happy about this, but I can rest in the truth found in Psalm 139:14, and choose to praise and thank God anyway for His “marvelous works” – and I am one of them!
My prayer for today is significantly adapted from Psalm 46:1-3, 10a-11 (AMP). When things seem to be unclear, I can always remember to thank and praise God for who He is:
God, You are my refuge and strength [mighty and impenetrable], an always available and time-tested help when life gets hard. Therefore, I will not fear – this is a choice that I am making – even when it feels like my world is starting to fall apart.
Instead, I can choose to be calm and know (recognize, understand) that You are God, and that nothing ever surprises You. You are sovereignly in control of all things, and You are my safe place when the storms of life begin to stir.
Therefore, I have no reason to be afraid. Thank You for this modicum of peace in the midst of a very uncertain situation. In Your name I pray, Amen.